A big shout out to the Yellow UPS 18 wheeler that I got behind this afternoon. Now the two trailers that he was pulling were normal, but the actual truck cab was not its normal brown color, but instead a bright yellow. Today we salute you mister UPS Truck Driver.
Also, another shout out to the individual that used a horseshoe as a hood ornament. It was no Buick, not even a ford, nor was it a Mercedes. It my friends was a Jeep Cherokee with a horseshoe on it as I said before a hood ornament. My hats off to you if you thought you looked cool. I personally was jealous, because of my ever growing redneck side of life.
Have A Goodin'.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Whitley Wednesday's
So this feature is in honor of the Quote Queen herself, Whitley. She love's her quotes, so I have decided to honor her and all three of you readers with Whitley Wednesday's. The best the quote world has to offer. To kick things off we quote the Katharine Hepburn.
"Without discipline, there's no life at all."
This next one is great, simply because I learned this one not to long ago. I mean you've heard of the Enlightment Age, we of course live in the Entitlement Age. Katharine knew this it seems as well.
"We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change."
And now (drum roll) the last quote for Whitley Wednesday's,
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything."
"Without discipline, there's no life at all."
This next one is great, simply because I learned this one not to long ago. I mean you've heard of the Enlightment Age, we of course live in the Entitlement Age. Katharine knew this it seems as well.
"We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change."
And now (drum roll) the last quote for Whitley Wednesday's,
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything."
School of Higher Learning
I just stumbled across this and I couldn't stop laughing. I did not write this, my Diddy (Joe Hall) did, but I don't think he'll mind if I take some or all of the credit, Ok I kid. Relax Its going to be raining soon.
Hello, if you're miserable can I have your attention for just one moment? Do you hate where you're at in life? Does the idea of getting up and going to work at a dead end job make you ill? Are you ready to start earning big money right now with no risk?
This is Lucious P. Elway, owner and founder of the Elway Home Education and Read Real Good System.
When I was a kid I did not have time for school. I spent the next five years feeling discouraged, going from job to job until I realized I was at a dead end.
Then one day I discovered the secret that changed my life, and spent the next two weeks developing the Elway Read Real Good learning System. Today I can read most anything, and so can you.
For only three payments of $9 ... nine ... ninety ... carry the one ... for only nine dollars I will learn you to read good and also grammar. After one week we guarantee you will be amazed.
Please don't delay. Start learning to read good right now and be a smart new person just like me. Call right now. My momer-n-ems standing by, and there is no charge for calls after 9 pm.
Hello, if you're miserable can I have your attention for just one moment? Do you hate where you're at in life? Does the idea of getting up and going to work at a dead end job make you ill? Are you ready to start earning big money right now with no risk?
This is Lucious P. Elway, owner and founder of the Elway Home Education and Read Real Good System.
When I was a kid I did not have time for school. I spent the next five years feeling discouraged, going from job to job until I realized I was at a dead end.
Then one day I discovered the secret that changed my life, and spent the next two weeks developing the Elway Read Real Good learning System. Today I can read most anything, and so can you.
For only three payments of $9 ... nine ... ninety ... carry the one ... for only nine dollars I will learn you to read good and also grammar. After one week we guarantee you will be amazed.
Please don't delay. Start learning to read good right now and be a smart new person just like me. Call right now. My momer-n-ems standing by, and there is no charge for calls after 9 pm.
LIFETIME
Today was an honest reminder that life can end at any moment, and sometimes when you aren't expecting it. Over the weekend a close friend of mine in the broadcasting community lost his son in a tragic motorcycle accident. There are no words that I can say right now that come close to my feeling when I found out about it this morning. The most shocking thing about it, was his son wasn't to far from my age, he was a young twenty year old with compassion, servanthood, humor, and a life ahead of him. He had plans and much ambition to live a long and prosperous life, probably like most of us dream right now. Unfortunately, his life ended suddenly and tragically this past Friday night. I couldn't make it to the visitation Sunday night, but I was able to attend the graveside services today. As I made my drive to the cemetery, the very cemetery that my grandfather is buried in, It became real clear to me that we are the most blessed people living here in America. We have everything at our disposal, our convenience, and our choosing. I prayed that this family would not only know the spirit of God was on them, but that they could feel the spirit of God on them. I arrived at the graveside, to witness a beautiful memorial to the son who lost his life so young. During that memorial service, stories were told, tears were shed and the good news of a young man who had fallen in love with Jesus, and had accepted Him as his Lord was proclaimed. I was sad and joyful all in the same time. As I hugged the family and tried so desperately to be a presence of God to them, I couldn't help but think, how one day I too will pass on and turn back to dust. How will I live my life during these days and how will I live them to honor and glorify a God, I love so dearly? We don't have a lot of life to waste, but we have a little life to live well. The young man lived his life well, and impacted many who were in attendance today, but how am I living my life, how are you living your life? I thought as I sat to eat lunch this afternoon, I would love the preacher at my funeral to preach the good news of Christ and the redemption in Him, but I would love more if I myself lived in such a way, that my worship to Jesus, in more than just Sunday mornings singing songs, or just merely reading my bible, but in a way that my life's worship in all that I do would be such in a way that to all of those I came in contact with would be encountered by a living God who loves them, and wants them to spend eternity with Him. Who formed them long ago for something unique than the person sitting beside them and set them apart for something extraordinary through them who are so ordinary. Life is short, Life is hard, but Life begins when we die, not just physically, but spiritually die to ourselves and are made new in Christ Jesus, and resurrected in His death and resurrection. And the greatest thing about it is, it doesn't have to be the day before you die, it can be today. May we go to the foot of the cross today and bow before a God so awesome, so loving, so compassionate, so merciful, that it cannot be consumed in merely one sitting or one day. May we go to Him with all of our past, all of our present, and all of our future, and May we offer ourselves to be His friends and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and may that be a life well lived to honor and glorify Him.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Realization
I'm becoming more and more aware of the fact that, everyday I'm becoming more and more redneck. I always new that I was country, but now I'm turning towards the side of red. I use to always want to be clean and look my up most best, but now I'm ok with missing a day of bathing or heck wearing dirty clothes or hat with a pig on the back of it. It's either I'm becoming more unnerved by what people think of me or I'm down the path of neckville. In fact I recently wanted to cut the top off my car with a chain saw and make it into a convertible, or today get this, I wanted fuzzy dice. Also, I'm thinking that if I ever by a bass boat and fill that ranger up with water to make it a swimming pool, I better be drinking a PBR or at least a root beer, maybe a diet coke, and wearing cut off blue jeans and wife beater t-shirt. Next thing I know I'll utter the words, "I feel safe in my trailer." If I utter these words please check me into a nutty house or heck take me to a rodeo. I'll have more bizarre redneck experiences soon, I'll just have to get up the courage to release such vital information of my soul.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Sunday School
I recently spoke at my grandmother’s Sunday school class after she came down with the flu and pretty much laid in bed the entire time that she was sick. Needless to say, she wasn't up to teaching, so she asked me if I would. How many people remember Sunday school? Maybe you didn't grow up in church, but I did. I remember it being fun in some aspects; I used to tell the teacher an alternate name when she would ask me what my name was. Mostly, it was long and boring though. The teachers would give me those wretched books with really cheesy pictures of Bible characters that were “supposed” to help you learn about God. Know wonder I would aggravate the teacher when I would enter the classroom. When I used to go to church with my grandmother, she would hand me a torn, weathered dollar bill to put into the manila envelope the treasurer of her class would pass around each week to teach us to tithe, but I also think it was so they could buy those blasted books. Side note: I really think those books have some good material and do help a lot of people, I just really don't like academics and the thought of workbooks frightened me, key word WORK.
So, when she asked me to speak for her class I knew that I was going to have to speak out of one of those rancid books, the books I dread the most. I would rather read Leviticus (which is funny just reading) than to teach out of that book. But, after hearing my grandmother in her weakened tone ask if I would teach for her, I couldn't help but to think of all those times she made me cinnamon butter toast, so I agreed. I took the book home and looked over the lesson. It finally came time to teach the class and I was nervous! I was about to enter a classroom that held the honor of hosting a group of thirty-nine year old ladies that had turned thirty-nine several, several years ago (I say that just in case they read this). These ladies had experience, knowledge, maturity, and blue hair. I felt as though I couldn't possibly teach them anymore about God, Jesus to these well honored ladies. I mean they had the class named after one of the sweet souls that used to grace the teaching duties until she went on to the great Bingo game in the sky. Also, I didn't know what to wear. I hadn't been to this church in quite sometime and I didn't know if your Sunday best was still in mandate. So, I opted for the nice, but casual approach; sports coat and polo shirt with dress pants and the nicest shoes I owned. I figured if they were going to stone me I was at least going to look good while they did it. I arrived way early because I figured if I was going to play the role of my grandmother, Joan, I better go all the way.
As the sweet ladies slowly entered the room they talked at loud levels of volume and expressed time and time again that I was Joan's grandson and her son, Doug's boy. Now when you speak to older ladies and you are a man, you must remember one thing. Ask for permission before you act. For example, if I wanted to remove my sports coat, since I'm the hottest natured person and the thermostat was set for Hades in the classroom, I would need to ask before doing so. In the same respect, I asked before beginning the Sunday school lesson, "God moves hearts to action." The lesson scripture was out of Ezra, which I previously knew nothing about. I'm just being honest. I mean the last time I heard Ezra was when they played that song "Good" by Better than Ezra on the radio four years ago. So, I opted to do the unthinkable and see what happened. I strayed from the lesson book. Gasp if you need to right now. I chose, on the other hand, to speak about another time that God moved someone's heart for action, Elijah on Mount Carmel in 1 Kings 18. You talk about tent revival. This was one that would go down in the Bible, not just the record books. So, Elijah is the only prophet of the LORD left, and God commands him to go to the prophet of Baal's, basically a prayer meeting for prophets of false gods and idols. Obviously there was a little dispute about who’s god was real, so the 450 prophets of Baal got a bull and prepared it for sacrifice by cutting it into pieces and putting it on wood. Elijah did the same to his, but neither lit them on fire. The deal was that the prophets of Baal would call on the name of their god for fire to fall from heaven and Elijah would call on the LORD. The god that was to answer by fire - he was God. It says in verse 26, “The prophets of Baal prayed and shouted, ‘O Baal, answer us!’ But there was no response; no one answered”. Elijah, which you have to love this, began to taunt the prophets of Baal saying that maybe their god was busy, or quite possibly on the toilet. Can you imagine taunting someone about their god going to the bathroom; el baños? I love it. Finally, Elijah told the prophets to come to him. “He took twelve stones, one for each tribe descended from Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD had come to, saying, ‘Your name shall be Israel.’ With the stones he built the alter in the name of the LORD” (18:31-32). Elijah then asked the prophets of Baal to fill jars of water and pour it over the alter not once, but three times, and they did so. Then “Elijah stepped forward and prayed: ‘O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again" (18: 36b-37). Then, the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the bull, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench. “When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD - he is God! The LORD - he is God" (18:30)!
When I was done telling Elijah’s story, I could feel and sense the presence of God in that room, moving in those older, mature, and wiser ladies, and even in myself. Elijah obeyed, made himself a servant of God, and it was amazing what happened as a result. The LORD can work through you to bring glory to Himself in the most unlikely of situations. With the ladies staring at me in front of the marker board, I said, "May we begin to be obedient when we hear His voice in our prayers and may we live a life that would bring glory and honor to God." They looked moved and seemed filled with the Spirit and truth and I began to pray.
You see I noticed a couple of things that morning in that Sunday school experience that I had never noticed before. One, no matter how old or young, you genuinely want truth and love. And second, we all want to feel like we are making a difference; that we have left some sort of impression on another individual’s heart. After all was said and done with the lesson, one lady complimented another on her teaching skills demonstrated within the class. The first lady responded softly, but questioned herself saying, "I sometimes wonder if I'm really doing anything." How many times do you ask yourself a similar question? I know that I do. I was encouraged by the lady’s honesty and her humbleness. I know that as human beings, we are meant for something meaningful and purposeful, just like Elijah. First, we should start by asking ourselves if we are really listening to the voice of God or listening to ourselves. We must be obedient to Him and get under His authority so that we can get over what God has placed under us. By getting under His authority we will always receive God’s blessings, protection, and an authority to accomplish great things in the name of El Shaddai (God Almighty). You may cause God’s Holy fire to penetrate hardened hearts through the power of prayer, or completely change the face of history by an awesome God movement. Regardless, it shall be known The LORD - he is God! The LORD - he is God!
So, when she asked me to speak for her class I knew that I was going to have to speak out of one of those rancid books, the books I dread the most. I would rather read Leviticus (which is funny just reading) than to teach out of that book. But, after hearing my grandmother in her weakened tone ask if I would teach for her, I couldn't help but to think of all those times she made me cinnamon butter toast, so I agreed. I took the book home and looked over the lesson. It finally came time to teach the class and I was nervous! I was about to enter a classroom that held the honor of hosting a group of thirty-nine year old ladies that had turned thirty-nine several, several years ago (I say that just in case they read this). These ladies had experience, knowledge, maturity, and blue hair. I felt as though I couldn't possibly teach them anymore about God, Jesus to these well honored ladies. I mean they had the class named after one of the sweet souls that used to grace the teaching duties until she went on to the great Bingo game in the sky. Also, I didn't know what to wear. I hadn't been to this church in quite sometime and I didn't know if your Sunday best was still in mandate. So, I opted for the nice, but casual approach; sports coat and polo shirt with dress pants and the nicest shoes I owned. I figured if they were going to stone me I was at least going to look good while they did it. I arrived way early because I figured if I was going to play the role of my grandmother, Joan, I better go all the way.
As the sweet ladies slowly entered the room they talked at loud levels of volume and expressed time and time again that I was Joan's grandson and her son, Doug's boy. Now when you speak to older ladies and you are a man, you must remember one thing. Ask for permission before you act. For example, if I wanted to remove my sports coat, since I'm the hottest natured person and the thermostat was set for Hades in the classroom, I would need to ask before doing so. In the same respect, I asked before beginning the Sunday school lesson, "God moves hearts to action." The lesson scripture was out of Ezra, which I previously knew nothing about. I'm just being honest. I mean the last time I heard Ezra was when they played that song "Good" by Better than Ezra on the radio four years ago. So, I opted to do the unthinkable and see what happened. I strayed from the lesson book. Gasp if you need to right now. I chose, on the other hand, to speak about another time that God moved someone's heart for action, Elijah on Mount Carmel in 1 Kings 18. You talk about tent revival. This was one that would go down in the Bible, not just the record books. So, Elijah is the only prophet of the LORD left, and God commands him to go to the prophet of Baal's, basically a prayer meeting for prophets of false gods and idols. Obviously there was a little dispute about who’s god was real, so the 450 prophets of Baal got a bull and prepared it for sacrifice by cutting it into pieces and putting it on wood. Elijah did the same to his, but neither lit them on fire. The deal was that the prophets of Baal would call on the name of their god for fire to fall from heaven and Elijah would call on the LORD. The god that was to answer by fire - he was God. It says in verse 26, “The prophets of Baal prayed and shouted, ‘O Baal, answer us!’ But there was no response; no one answered”. Elijah, which you have to love this, began to taunt the prophets of Baal saying that maybe their god was busy, or quite possibly on the toilet. Can you imagine taunting someone about their god going to the bathroom; el baños? I love it. Finally, Elijah told the prophets to come to him. “He took twelve stones, one for each tribe descended from Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD had come to, saying, ‘Your name shall be Israel.’ With the stones he built the alter in the name of the LORD” (18:31-32). Elijah then asked the prophets of Baal to fill jars of water and pour it over the alter not once, but three times, and they did so. Then “Elijah stepped forward and prayed: ‘O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again" (18: 36b-37). Then, the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the bull, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench. “When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD - he is God! The LORD - he is God" (18:30)!
When I was done telling Elijah’s story, I could feel and sense the presence of God in that room, moving in those older, mature, and wiser ladies, and even in myself. Elijah obeyed, made himself a servant of God, and it was amazing what happened as a result. The LORD can work through you to bring glory to Himself in the most unlikely of situations. With the ladies staring at me in front of the marker board, I said, "May we begin to be obedient when we hear His voice in our prayers and may we live a life that would bring glory and honor to God." They looked moved and seemed filled with the Spirit and truth and I began to pray.
You see I noticed a couple of things that morning in that Sunday school experience that I had never noticed before. One, no matter how old or young, you genuinely want truth and love. And second, we all want to feel like we are making a difference; that we have left some sort of impression on another individual’s heart. After all was said and done with the lesson, one lady complimented another on her teaching skills demonstrated within the class. The first lady responded softly, but questioned herself saying, "I sometimes wonder if I'm really doing anything." How many times do you ask yourself a similar question? I know that I do. I was encouraged by the lady’s honesty and her humbleness. I know that as human beings, we are meant for something meaningful and purposeful, just like Elijah. First, we should start by asking ourselves if we are really listening to the voice of God or listening to ourselves. We must be obedient to Him and get under His authority so that we can get over what God has placed under us. By getting under His authority we will always receive God’s blessings, protection, and an authority to accomplish great things in the name of El Shaddai (God Almighty). You may cause God’s Holy fire to penetrate hardened hearts through the power of prayer, or completely change the face of history by an awesome God movement. Regardless, it shall be known The LORD - he is God! The LORD - he is God!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
TRUCKER THURSDAY
I'm no ACE (Important CB’er) and i'm certainly not an APPLE (A CB
addict), but I really come close to an ALLIGATOR STATION (All mouth and no ears. A
person who likes to talk just to hear himself). I have a fasination with
18 wheelers and did you see that Alligator (Tread from the tire of an 18
wheeler on the road) around mile marker 35 on I-85, if you didn't you
should have. I wanted to bring my brother along, he's an ANKLE BITER
(Small child or annoying teenager), but I love Him. So I used to work
with a APPLIANCE OPERATOR (Non technical person who knows how to turn the
rig on, and that’s about all), and if you want to know who, I won't say,
so don't ask. I do want to tell you though that a couple of months ago I
got into some trouble with a BABY BEAR (Cop in training, or rookie) He
tried to throw his weight around, but heck he had no weight, he probably
only weighed a hundred and ten pounds and thats soaking wet. The reason
for this post though is to salute all of the BIG R's (Trucks running for
Roadway Freight). If it wasn't for these fine fellers we wouldn't receive
half of all goods we do. I hope that I was COMING IN LOUD'N PROUD (Loud
and clear signal) for all who care.
ALL THE GOOD NUMBERS (Best wishes.)
Brent
CLEAR (Final transmission "This is 505 and I’m clear")
addict), but I really come close to an ALLIGATOR STATION (All mouth and no ears. A
person who likes to talk just to hear himself). I have a fasination with
18 wheelers and did you see that Alligator (Tread from the tire of an 18
wheeler on the road) around mile marker 35 on I-85, if you didn't you
should have. I wanted to bring my brother along, he's an ANKLE BITER
(Small child or annoying teenager), but I love Him. So I used to work
with a APPLIANCE OPERATOR (Non technical person who knows how to turn the
rig on, and that’s about all), and if you want to know who, I won't say,
so don't ask. I do want to tell you though that a couple of months ago I
got into some trouble with a BABY BEAR (Cop in training, or rookie) He
tried to throw his weight around, but heck he had no weight, he probably
only weighed a hundred and ten pounds and thats soaking wet. The reason
for this post though is to salute all of the BIG R's (Trucks running for
Roadway Freight). If it wasn't for these fine fellers we wouldn't receive
half of all goods we do. I hope that I was COMING IN LOUD'N PROUD (Loud
and clear signal) for all who care.
ALL THE GOOD NUMBERS (Best wishes.)
Brent
CLEAR (Final transmission "This is 505 and I’m clear")
Pop Culture Question?
Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted... one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
WOW! Who would of thought that Eminem would challenge me in a way unimaginable, and it could challenge you.
Have a Goodin!
Oh Coming Soon, TRUCKER THURSDAY.
To seize everything you ever wanted... one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
WOW! Who would of thought that Eminem would challenge me in a way unimaginable, and it could challenge you.
Have a Goodin!
Oh Coming Soon, TRUCKER THURSDAY.
For The Love!
Is it me but are people becoming bad drivers or worse drivers? I mean I have my times that are a little questionable, like a rolling stop here and there, the ever present ten miles per hour over the speed limit, and sometimes the forgetful turn signal, usually though without anyone behind me.
Today though hit a new low and really had me in shock for several minutes. I was driving home from a meeting at Church and I was at an intersection that isn't the best place in the world but not a place that I thought would nearly cause me to go into post traumatic shock. I pulled up to the stop sign and the stop sign somewhat lies in a parking lot of a couple of corner business, therefore leaving the road exposed to the parking lot, no curb or ditch. I hope I painted that well. Needless to say an older lady who looked to be smoking a cigarette or sucking on a lollipop, anyway I'm waiting for traffic to come around a dangerous curve and it seems that it will never end and suddenly I look to my right and this lady pulls up to the side of me. She used the parking of this business as a road, and thought I guess that I had my invisible button on and could not see my beautiful "White Lighting". I wanted to honk my horn, but I figured I would just wait and see what this woman attempted. Dang if she didn't pull out and I pull right behind her and would you know she decided today was drive twenty miles per hour day because that's what that old lady did, she drove twenty miles per hour from that stop sign to the red light about a mile and half up the road. Now there comes a point in your life that you want to quickly pull ahead of her, slam on your brakes, causing her to slam into you, then you proceed to get out of your car and say I didn't see a darn thing, and just possibly if your not careful with your emotions by this point you could slap what appears to be a wig off of her head, leaving her with nothing more than a sucker to enjoy for the remainder of her day. Of course that is just hypothetical and I would never do a such a thing, because I have turned my back on Filth, Vileness and Corruption, but being honest with you today, I thought about it. I'm human to you know. So next time you find yourself in a situation that just seems unbelievable think about those who just dreamed they could live a life of unbelievable, because don't we just waste our life or let it pass us by so many of the times during our day.
Today though hit a new low and really had me in shock for several minutes. I was driving home from a meeting at Church and I was at an intersection that isn't the best place in the world but not a place that I thought would nearly cause me to go into post traumatic shock. I pulled up to the stop sign and the stop sign somewhat lies in a parking lot of a couple of corner business, therefore leaving the road exposed to the parking lot, no curb or ditch. I hope I painted that well. Needless to say an older lady who looked to be smoking a cigarette or sucking on a lollipop, anyway I'm waiting for traffic to come around a dangerous curve and it seems that it will never end and suddenly I look to my right and this lady pulls up to the side of me. She used the parking of this business as a road, and thought I guess that I had my invisible button on and could not see my beautiful "White Lighting". I wanted to honk my horn, but I figured I would just wait and see what this woman attempted. Dang if she didn't pull out and I pull right behind her and would you know she decided today was drive twenty miles per hour day because that's what that old lady did, she drove twenty miles per hour from that stop sign to the red light about a mile and half up the road. Now there comes a point in your life that you want to quickly pull ahead of her, slam on your brakes, causing her to slam into you, then you proceed to get out of your car and say I didn't see a darn thing, and just possibly if your not careful with your emotions by this point you could slap what appears to be a wig off of her head, leaving her with nothing more than a sucker to enjoy for the remainder of her day. Of course that is just hypothetical and I would never do a such a thing, because I have turned my back on Filth, Vileness and Corruption, but being honest with you today, I thought about it. I'm human to you know. So next time you find yourself in a situation that just seems unbelievable think about those who just dreamed they could live a life of unbelievable, because don't we just waste our life or let it pass us by so many of the times during our day.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
The Name Fits
Have you ever been grocery shopping? From the sounds of the shouts at the computer monitor, I'll take that as a yes. Today was a trip to the grocery store. Now I'll be honest with you there are times in my life that I'd rather be on a stage jumping around like a dancing chicken at the county fair with a hot iron under my feet, and today was that day. I like food, in fact I love food. I use to not eat that much, because I didn't want to spend my money on things that wasn't going to last, but now that I've started the Bronzed and Buffed exercise program, I have to eat and eventually tan, but right now will worry about eating.
I spend my days in G-Langeles, and those days become long and boring, so today I thought I would change that. I decided that I would eat and that I would start that process by going to the Grocery Store. Even getting into my car, I frowned at the thought that I would have to soon get out of my car, and by soon I mean soon. I work less than a block from a grocery store. I just don't like the grocery store and that probably explains the reason number 35 exist on my list of features and characteristics I'm looking for in a woman. Number 35 says, "I hope that she likes to go grocery shopping, because I hate it". Brother, I hear that Amen. I finally arrive at the store, not even enough to time to finish singing the chorus to "Since You've Been Gone" I was a little hurt, hadn't heard that song in a while. I walk in and I'm a little intimidated, by the shear massiveness of it all. Isles and isles of food. WOW! I grab the Burgundy basket where the name fits, to begin my shopping experience. Now I have a philosophy on purchasing certain foods, at least for my purpose. I don't need anything that has to be grilled, shucked, baked, or marinated. I need quick, fast, and cheap. I grabbed some gatorade, bread, ham and turkey meat, and some tuna. Now before you go turning your nose up to my tuna, this isn't just any tuna, this is the chicken of the sea. CHICKEN FOLKS! (Bad Jessica Simpson reference.) I was about done with this excursion and then the dilemma ensues. I wanted Peanut Butter because I need protein for my Bronzed and Buff program. I'm looking at the Peanut Butter selections, and confusion strikes. Do I want crunchy or Creamy? Do I want JIF, Peter Pan or off brand? I'm still torn on those decisions even after my purchase. What Would You Do? I need to know.
I made it to the register to check out and then my next dilemma. Now if I was paid less than minimum wage I don't think I would take my job very seriously, but that doesn't mean you have to talk at such a level that I need a miracle ear on top of my good hearing just to hear you ask if I had a "Name Fits Card". Since when did you need a card at every place you go shopping at? How can toilet paper be cheaper with or without a card. Why do I need a card in order to get a deal, why can't you just like the customer enough to heck, give um' a good deal. Something different than the competition. I'm convinced that pretty soon everybody is going to have a card. You go to get your oil changed, they ask do you have your "Dip Stick Card"? You go to get a plunger from the chain hardware store and they ask do you have the "Hook Card"? Pretty soon I'm sure there going to ask if you have a "Death Card" in order to get a great deal on your casket. Moral of all of this I don't think the name fits and if it does, it doesn't fit with my name anywhere near it, especially with a Burgundy basket.
I spend my days in G-Langeles, and those days become long and boring, so today I thought I would change that. I decided that I would eat and that I would start that process by going to the Grocery Store. Even getting into my car, I frowned at the thought that I would have to soon get out of my car, and by soon I mean soon. I work less than a block from a grocery store. I just don't like the grocery store and that probably explains the reason number 35 exist on my list of features and characteristics I'm looking for in a woman. Number 35 says, "I hope that she likes to go grocery shopping, because I hate it". Brother, I hear that Amen. I finally arrive at the store, not even enough to time to finish singing the chorus to "Since You've Been Gone" I was a little hurt, hadn't heard that song in a while. I walk in and I'm a little intimidated, by the shear massiveness of it all. Isles and isles of food. WOW! I grab the Burgundy basket where the name fits, to begin my shopping experience. Now I have a philosophy on purchasing certain foods, at least for my purpose. I don't need anything that has to be grilled, shucked, baked, or marinated. I need quick, fast, and cheap. I grabbed some gatorade, bread, ham and turkey meat, and some tuna. Now before you go turning your nose up to my tuna, this isn't just any tuna, this is the chicken of the sea. CHICKEN FOLKS! (Bad Jessica Simpson reference.) I was about done with this excursion and then the dilemma ensues. I wanted Peanut Butter because I need protein for my Bronzed and Buff program. I'm looking at the Peanut Butter selections, and confusion strikes. Do I want crunchy or Creamy? Do I want JIF, Peter Pan or off brand? I'm still torn on those decisions even after my purchase. What Would You Do? I need to know.
I made it to the register to check out and then my next dilemma. Now if I was paid less than minimum wage I don't think I would take my job very seriously, but that doesn't mean you have to talk at such a level that I need a miracle ear on top of my good hearing just to hear you ask if I had a "Name Fits Card". Since when did you need a card at every place you go shopping at? How can toilet paper be cheaper with or without a card. Why do I need a card in order to get a deal, why can't you just like the customer enough to heck, give um' a good deal. Something different than the competition. I'm convinced that pretty soon everybody is going to have a card. You go to get your oil changed, they ask do you have your "Dip Stick Card"? You go to get a plunger from the chain hardware store and they ask do you have the "Hook Card"? Pretty soon I'm sure there going to ask if you have a "Death Card" in order to get a great deal on your casket. Moral of all of this I don't think the name fits and if it does, it doesn't fit with my name anywhere near it, especially with a Burgundy basket.
Stomach Pirantas?
What exactly is a Stomach Piranta? Where exactly does a Stomach Piranta come from?Upon research of the word Piranta, you find that it doesn't even exist and there is a good explanation as to why it doesn't exist, simply because I didn't know how to say the word Pirana.
Now, if you're like me and probably still unsure as to what a Pirana is, I'll do you a favor and look it up.
Pirana - Any of several tropical American freshwater fishes of the genus Serrasalmus that are voraciously carnivorous and often attack and destroy living animals. Also called caribe.
Now that we have the education of what a Pirana is and what it does to living animals you will understand more as to why I called a vicous attack of my insides, Stomach Pirantas. This past Friday was a glorious day with sun, wind, and beautiful blue skies. It was one of those days that you just wanted to quit your job (heck that could be everyday for some, why do you think this blog exist) and sit out on the back porch with a cup of sweet tea and not have a care in the world to stop and worry over. With a day like that it calls for a night to match. Some friends and I took the trip to downtown Greenville, which for this story will refer to it as G-Jungle. All of us made it to downtown G-Jungle enjoying a hearty, filling, and tasteful meal at an unnamed establishment just so your not afraid to eat there after this story. I had an awesome Greek Salad which I had experienced to many times to count and the others in the group had a pleasurable meal as well. After dinner and many stories about girls I liked in Middle School we decided to take a stroll to a local coffee shop. Now upon this journey to this local coffee shop in G-Jungle we crossed the Reedy River of downtown G-Jungle. At that moment, and I'm not making this up, I began to feel as if something was taking me over. It's like when your driving down the road and you hear a popping noise, such as a tire blowing out on you, well I don't know if you've ever had that happen to you, but I have. It's not a great feeling, because it's as if the tire and the car get taken over by the enormous amount of asphalt that makes up the interstate and you become as helpless as a male praying mantis during mating season. So we cross the bridge and I feel as now my stomach has been taken over by Mary Lou Retton on an Olympic Gold Medalist Reunion tour. There are all kind of cartwheels, kicks and frontward jumps going on inside that stomach of yours, with artillery, such as fetta cheese, green lettuce, onions, and other forms of goodness from the ground, what I'm saying is 'All Natur-ale foods.
It's then that you begin to panic, such as you do, like you did when you were in Middle School and you found out that for lunch, Gertrude is serving beans, which is great, the only problem is you have gym next block. My friends and I are laughing and cutting up as if nothing is wrong, all the while I'm hoping to find safety but, unfortunately safety lies only in the form of a Public Restroom. The dreaded Public Restroom. What is it about a Public Restroom that suddenly all your thoughts of I don't care what the world thinks of me suddenly changes into, Oh Gosh what will they think of me. First of all have you seen some of these facilities, I wouldn't even let my dog go into these places (if I had a dog). Second, Public Restroom also stands for PR, which some of these places need to work on by using some Public Relations to better there facilities. I quickly spot a respectable location that would be closer and less likely room for error. I was shot down. We move forward all the while I'm hoping that Mary Lou Retton would finish her routine that she started an hour ago, when it really has been five minutes ago. We finally get to the local coffee shop, when then I spot three people I know. My word not only am I being attacked by a short twenty four year old performing hand springs in my stomach, but now I've gotten the call to rush by people I know and respect, trying to make nice and dash to the Public Restroom to unleash wrath and gold medalist alike from within my body.
I make it past without any problems and get to my least desired destination. I make the room as sanitary as a person with lye, bleach, and a pressure washer can and I take care of the problem at hand. Then what seems like a never-ending story another two or three problems come to my attention. The first two were minor problems one of the first two problems wore a white t-shirt and the second of the first two problems wore Hawaiian shirt, great visitors to make life even more interesting for the reunion tour I was finally trying to put away forever. The two problems exited the Public Restroom and the third problem was noticed upon the flushing of what I will call, The Medal Ceremony. I would like to take this moment to publicly let the Public Restroom Committee know, if there is one. You may want to check the pressure of that flush in stall number one in the underground bunker of a popular coffee hangout in G-Jungle, I mean one flush standard, second flush courtesy, but the third flush is just foul. I exit the room, only after I wash my hands and pray that Mary and her gang are gone. I enter the main room of the popular hangout to sit with my friends with a look on my face of pure exhaustion. I explained in brief that I was attacked by Stomach Pirantas. Stomach Piranas would be fish, but Stomach Pirantas is nothing more the foul little gang of gymnast that landed in my stomach. At that moment laughter erupted and it was at that moment that I realized Mary Lou Retton had returned in a new form of what will be known as "Laughing Celebration".
*QUICK UPDATE*
A health specialist just informed of this shocking fact. The stomach situation you experienced is a result to being allergic to the artificial preservatives on the lettuce of the salad you had. It actually makes your stomach "Cramp -so to speak- and instead of the usual 24 hr. period it takes for food to flush through your colon it now takes 15-20 minutes, tops. Unfortunately you never know when and where, and what salads will have that preservative.
You know I think that there is a life lesson in that fact somewhere. I'm going to risk it and i'm not going to stop eating lettuce.
Now, if you're like me and probably still unsure as to what a Pirana is, I'll do you a favor and look it up.
Pirana - Any of several tropical American freshwater fishes of the genus Serrasalmus that are voraciously carnivorous and often attack and destroy living animals. Also called caribe.
Now that we have the education of what a Pirana is and what it does to living animals you will understand more as to why I called a vicous attack of my insides, Stomach Pirantas. This past Friday was a glorious day with sun, wind, and beautiful blue skies. It was one of those days that you just wanted to quit your job (heck that could be everyday for some, why do you think this blog exist) and sit out on the back porch with a cup of sweet tea and not have a care in the world to stop and worry over. With a day like that it calls for a night to match. Some friends and I took the trip to downtown Greenville, which for this story will refer to it as G-Jungle. All of us made it to downtown G-Jungle enjoying a hearty, filling, and tasteful meal at an unnamed establishment just so your not afraid to eat there after this story. I had an awesome Greek Salad which I had experienced to many times to count and the others in the group had a pleasurable meal as well. After dinner and many stories about girls I liked in Middle School we decided to take a stroll to a local coffee shop. Now upon this journey to this local coffee shop in G-Jungle we crossed the Reedy River of downtown G-Jungle. At that moment, and I'm not making this up, I began to feel as if something was taking me over. It's like when your driving down the road and you hear a popping noise, such as a tire blowing out on you, well I don't know if you've ever had that happen to you, but I have. It's not a great feeling, because it's as if the tire and the car get taken over by the enormous amount of asphalt that makes up the interstate and you become as helpless as a male praying mantis during mating season. So we cross the bridge and I feel as now my stomach has been taken over by Mary Lou Retton on an Olympic Gold Medalist Reunion tour. There are all kind of cartwheels, kicks and frontward jumps going on inside that stomach of yours, with artillery, such as fetta cheese, green lettuce, onions, and other forms of goodness from the ground, what I'm saying is 'All Natur-ale foods.
It's then that you begin to panic, such as you do, like you did when you were in Middle School and you found out that for lunch, Gertrude is serving beans, which is great, the only problem is you have gym next block. My friends and I are laughing and cutting up as if nothing is wrong, all the while I'm hoping to find safety but, unfortunately safety lies only in the form of a Public Restroom. The dreaded Public Restroom. What is it about a Public Restroom that suddenly all your thoughts of I don't care what the world thinks of me suddenly changes into, Oh Gosh what will they think of me. First of all have you seen some of these facilities, I wouldn't even let my dog go into these places (if I had a dog). Second, Public Restroom also stands for PR, which some of these places need to work on by using some Public Relations to better there facilities. I quickly spot a respectable location that would be closer and less likely room for error. I was shot down. We move forward all the while I'm hoping that Mary Lou Retton would finish her routine that she started an hour ago, when it really has been five minutes ago. We finally get to the local coffee shop, when then I spot three people I know. My word not only am I being attacked by a short twenty four year old performing hand springs in my stomach, but now I've gotten the call to rush by people I know and respect, trying to make nice and dash to the Public Restroom to unleash wrath and gold medalist alike from within my body.
I make it past without any problems and get to my least desired destination. I make the room as sanitary as a person with lye, bleach, and a pressure washer can and I take care of the problem at hand. Then what seems like a never-ending story another two or three problems come to my attention. The first two were minor problems one of the first two problems wore a white t-shirt and the second of the first two problems wore Hawaiian shirt, great visitors to make life even more interesting for the reunion tour I was finally trying to put away forever. The two problems exited the Public Restroom and the third problem was noticed upon the flushing of what I will call, The Medal Ceremony. I would like to take this moment to publicly let the Public Restroom Committee know, if there is one. You may want to check the pressure of that flush in stall number one in the underground bunker of a popular coffee hangout in G-Jungle, I mean one flush standard, second flush courtesy, but the third flush is just foul. I exit the room, only after I wash my hands and pray that Mary and her gang are gone. I enter the main room of the popular hangout to sit with my friends with a look on my face of pure exhaustion. I explained in brief that I was attacked by Stomach Pirantas. Stomach Piranas would be fish, but Stomach Pirantas is nothing more the foul little gang of gymnast that landed in my stomach. At that moment laughter erupted and it was at that moment that I realized Mary Lou Retton had returned in a new form of what will be known as "Laughing Celebration".
*QUICK UPDATE*
A health specialist just informed of this shocking fact. The stomach situation you experienced is a result to being allergic to the artificial preservatives on the lettuce of the salad you had. It actually makes your stomach "Cramp -so to speak- and instead of the usual 24 hr. period it takes for food to flush through your colon it now takes 15-20 minutes, tops. Unfortunately you never know when and where, and what salads will have that preservative.
You know I think that there is a life lesson in that fact somewhere. I'm going to risk it and i'm not going to stop eating lettuce.
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