Stomach Pirantas?

What exactly is a Stomach Piranta? Where exactly does a Stomach Piranta come from?Upon research of the word Piranta, you find that it doesn't even exist and there is a good explanation as to why it doesn't exist, simply because I didn't know how to say the word Pirana.

Now, if you're like me and probably still unsure as to what a Pirana is, I'll do you a favor and look it up.

Pirana - Any of several tropical American freshwater fishes of the genus Serrasalmus that are voraciously carnivorous and often attack and destroy living animals. Also called caribe.

Now that we have the education of what a Pirana is and what it does to living animals you will understand more as to why I called a vicous attack of my insides, Stomach Pirantas. This past Friday was a glorious day with sun, wind, and beautiful blue skies. It was one of those days that you just wanted to quit your job (heck that could be everyday for some, why do you think this blog exist) and sit out on the back porch with a cup of sweet tea and not have a care in the world to stop and worry over. With a day like that it calls for a night to match. Some friends and I took the trip to downtown Greenville, which for this story will refer to it as G-Jungle. All of us made it to downtown G-Jungle enjoying a hearty, filling, and tasteful meal at an unnamed establishment just so your not afraid to eat there after this story. I had an awesome Greek Salad which I had experienced to many times to count and the others in the group had a pleasurable meal as well. After dinner and many stories about girls I liked in Middle School we decided to take a stroll to a local coffee shop. Now upon this journey to this local coffee shop in G-Jungle we crossed the Reedy River of downtown G-Jungle. At that moment, and I'm not making this up, I began to feel as if something was taking me over. It's like when your driving down the road and you hear a popping noise, such as a tire blowing out on you, well I don't know if you've ever had that happen to you, but I have. It's not a great feeling, because it's as if the tire and the car get taken over by the enormous amount of asphalt that makes up the interstate and you become as helpless as a male praying mantis during mating season. So we cross the bridge and I feel as now my stomach has been taken over by Mary Lou Retton on an Olympic Gold Medalist Reunion tour. There are all kind of cartwheels, kicks and frontward jumps going on inside that stomach of yours, with artillery, such as fetta cheese, green lettuce, onions, and other forms of goodness from the ground, what I'm saying is 'All Natur-ale foods.

It's then that you begin to panic, such as you do, like you did when you were in Middle School and you found out that for lunch, Gertrude is serving beans, which is great, the only problem is you have gym next block. My friends and I are laughing and cutting up as if nothing is wrong, all the while I'm hoping to find safety but, unfortunately safety lies only in the form of a Public Restroom. The dreaded Public Restroom. What is it about a Public Restroom that suddenly all your thoughts of I don't care what the world thinks of me suddenly changes into, Oh Gosh what will they think of me. First of all have you seen some of these facilities, I wouldn't even let my dog go into these places (if I had a dog). Second, Public Restroom also stands for PR, which some of these places need to work on by using some Public Relations to better there facilities. I quickly spot a respectable location that would be closer and less likely room for error. I was shot down. We move forward all the while I'm hoping that Mary Lou Retton would finish her routine that she started an hour ago, when it really has been five minutes ago. We finally get to the local coffee shop, when then I spot three people I know. My word not only am I being attacked by a short twenty four year old performing hand springs in my stomach, but now I've gotten the call to rush by people I know and respect, trying to make nice and dash to the Public Restroom to unleash wrath and gold medalist alike from within my body.

I make it past without any problems and get to my least desired destination. I make the room as sanitary as a person with lye, bleach, and a pressure washer can and I take care of the problem at hand. Then what seems like a never-ending story another two or three problems come to my attention. The first two were minor problems one of the first two problems wore a white t-shirt and the second of the first two problems wore Hawaiian shirt, great visitors to make life even more interesting for the reunion tour I was finally trying to put away forever. The two problems exited the Public Restroom and the third problem was noticed upon the flushing of what I will call, The Medal Ceremony. I would like to take this moment to publicly let the Public Restroom Committee know, if there is one. You may want to check the pressure of that flush in stall number one in the underground bunker of a popular coffee hangout in G-Jungle, I mean one flush standard, second flush courtesy, but the third flush is just foul. I exit the room, only after I wash my hands and pray that Mary and her gang are gone. I enter the main room of the popular hangout to sit with my friends with a look on my face of pure exhaustion. I explained in brief that I was attacked by Stomach Pirantas. Stomach Piranas would be fish, but Stomach Pirantas is nothing more the foul little gang of gymnast that landed in my stomach. At that moment laughter erupted and it was at that moment that I realized Mary Lou Retton had returned in a new form of what will be known as "Laughing Celebration".

*QUICK UPDATE*
A health specialist just informed of this shocking fact. The stomach situation you experienced is a result to being allergic to the artificial preservatives on the lettuce of the salad you had. It actually makes your stomach "Cramp -so to speak- and instead of the usual 24 hr. period it takes for food to flush through your colon it now takes 15-20 minutes, tops. Unfortunately you never know when and where, and what salads will have that preservative.

You know I think that there is a life lesson in that fact somewhere. I'm going to risk it and i'm not going to stop eating lettuce.