The Name Fits

Have you ever been grocery shopping? From the sounds of the shouts at the computer monitor, I'll take that as a yes. Today was a trip to the grocery store. Now I'll be honest with you there are times in my life that I'd rather be on a stage jumping around like a dancing chicken at the county fair with a hot iron under my feet, and today was that day. I like food, in fact I love food. I use to not eat that much, because I didn't want to spend my money on things that wasn't going to last, but now that I've started the Bronzed and Buffed exercise program, I have to eat and eventually tan, but right now will worry about eating.

I spend my days in G-Langeles, and those days become long and boring, so today I thought I would change that. I decided that I would eat and that I would start that process by going to the Grocery Store. Even getting into my car, I frowned at the thought that I would have to soon get out of my car, and by soon I mean soon. I work less than a block from a grocery store. I just don't like the grocery store and that probably explains the reason number 35 exist on my list of features and characteristics I'm looking for in a woman. Number 35 says, "I hope that she likes to go grocery shopping, because I hate it". Brother, I hear that Amen. I finally arrive at the store, not even enough to time to finish singing the chorus to "Since You've Been Gone" I was a little hurt, hadn't heard that song in a while. I walk in and I'm a little intimidated, by the shear massiveness of it all. Isles and isles of food. WOW! I grab the Burgundy basket where the name fits, to begin my shopping experience. Now I have a philosophy on purchasing certain foods, at least for my purpose. I don't need anything that has to be grilled, shucked, baked, or marinated. I need quick, fast, and cheap. I grabbed some gatorade, bread, ham and turkey meat, and some tuna. Now before you go turning your nose up to my tuna, this isn't just any tuna, this is the chicken of the sea. CHICKEN FOLKS! (Bad Jessica Simpson reference.) I was about done with this excursion and then the dilemma ensues. I wanted Peanut Butter because I need protein for my Bronzed and Buff program. I'm looking at the Peanut Butter selections, and confusion strikes. Do I want crunchy or Creamy? Do I want JIF, Peter Pan or off brand? I'm still torn on those decisions even after my purchase. What Would You Do? I need to know.

I made it to the register to check out and then my next dilemma. Now if I was paid less than minimum wage I don't think I would take my job very seriously, but that doesn't mean you have to talk at such a level that I need a miracle ear on top of my good hearing just to hear you ask if I had a "Name Fits Card". Since when did you need a card at every place you go shopping at? How can toilet paper be cheaper with or without a card. Why do I need a card in order to get a deal, why can't you just like the customer enough to heck, give um' a good deal. Something different than the competition. I'm convinced that pretty soon everybody is going to have a card. You go to get your oil changed, they ask do you have your "Dip Stick Card"? You go to get a plunger from the chain hardware store and they ask do you have the "Hook Card"? Pretty soon I'm sure there going to ask if you have a "Death Card" in order to get a great deal on your casket. Moral of all of this I don't think the name fits and if it does, it doesn't fit with my name anywhere near it, especially with a Burgundy basket.